What are the rules to dating?

I read a blog today that mentioned that we women need to stop treating boyfriends like husbands. I will say it is a pretty good read the article, I understood her point of view and she made some really great points that I know have plagued a friend or 2 of mine and I’m sure friends of friends as well.

There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!”

Stop treating your boyfriend like a husband

Now the key word in her blog is before they become exclusive, which I believe she is totally correct. You cant seek to do permanent type things with temporary people. But I’ve heard that doing certain things for men are a no no all together because he will come to not only expect them but also feel that he no longer has to put forth the effort to take the relationship to another level, ie marriage. In effect he’ll grow lazy and or be your boyfriend forever. Even my dear old grandmother bestowed her old school wisdom and told me before I got married told me, why would a man buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? Her discussing the fact that before we got married my ex husband and I lived together, he’d never want to marry me.  That statement stayed with me being that I never heard it before but of course I was getting married and didn’t think it would ever be something I had to think or worry about. Six years later after my divorce that statement popped into my head, especially after reading the blog. So of course it got me thinking. When it comes to dating then transitioning into being in a MONOGAMOUS relationship, I feel like I have to add that since the terms of relationships have changed to hanging and or Netflix and chill. What are the things a woman shouldn’t do for a man and vise versa? Do the old school ways still apply? Or do relationships now stay in a gray area where we play roles until we get the role? I’ve heard so many different ideas and thoughts. I’ve been told don’t:

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  1. Cook  (any kind of meals)
  2. Clean for him
  3. Do his laundry
  4. Don’t buy him clothes/shoes
  5. Don’t ever lend/give him money

That all the above mentioned are only to be done for your husband because he has earned it by marrying you. That you’re playing house, if you 2 live together, that the man your dating/in a relationship with hasn’t done anything but changed your title from single to girlfriend and nothing else. I know for a fact that I have cooked  meal for my ex, done laundry and bought him clothes not full wardrobes but a t-shirt and stuff here and there especially since I knew he had a thing for unique or odd shirts. Yes I did make the ultimate mistake of lending my ex money a lesson that is ingrained to never repeat. So then I need to ask is it true that the only way to get a man to commit is to withhold those mentioned and any others I may have left out until he puts a ring on your finger? I was under the impression that if you love and care for someone that doing things for them is 2nd nature and an act done out of love and appreciation. Am I wrong?  I did all the above for my ex husband before we got married and it was one of the things he said made him want to marry me was because I cared and was a good woman. I’ve also done them for my ex boyfriend. Do I think my ex appreciates the gestures? No! Was my ex husband an isolated case? I’m not sure. While I’ve dated it wasn’t frequent, have I been out the dating game to not know or understand that relationships have now become every man for them self until maybe we feel like doing the I choose you dance.

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3 thoughts on “What are the rules to dating?

  1. My boyfriend once told me that he wasn’t my husband and so he wouldn’t do this or that. I was taken aback because I did treat him like he was one and feel like I was a wife. We knew we would get married or perhaps he lied to me that he knew that because he clearly differentiated between boyfriend and husband whereas I just saw him as a partner which smudged the lines. He broke up with me recently and that says a lot. I agree with this. He made sure he “put me in my place” by not treating me like his wife but I never held back anything and although I don’t believe in keeping regrets, I do take these as lessons that I will remember. Thanks for sharing ☺

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  2. I have done both meaning live with someone and got married straight from home and two things you said stand out …you’re playing house, if you 2 live together, which makes a lot of guys get too comfortable and they stop chasing and the other thing that stands out is …that the man your dating/in a relationship with hasn’t done anything but changed your title from single to girlfriend and nothing else. So if he is a real man would he not show you what he is doing for you too? True relationships are giving not get get get and then get bored and leave. I had this conversation with my daughter several times in the past and if a man has no expectations from you, he will give nothing in return but baggage. If a man knows up front he has to come correct with you (job and being responsible) and puts a ring on your finger (engagement is at least a start) then slowly a cooked meal as a treat or a shirt as a gift like anniversary etc. but to play house only gets men married before being married and gets them bored quick and they run away.

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