So… I went on a date about a month or so back. Interesting guy to say the least. He was about 40 years old, father of 3 and a divorce, (wait, let me fix that he was in the middle of a divorce, so technically still very married). I don’t know why folks feel the need to lie or omit that tid-bit of info. Being divorced means you signed paper work and the courts said YUP you 2 are officially unhinged don’t kill each other, cause criminal court is down the block. I unfortunately find this out, AFTER the fact! Back to the message at hand. So were talking and he seems very pleasant and sweet. We ask one another all the pertinent questions, how many kids we have, where we grew up, where our families are from. The conversation is going great, time is undoubtedly passing, I need to head home its getting late. So we arrange to meet up again, now being more aware I don’t give him my cell #, cause Spokeo is the DEVIL and anyone can be a private eye! I signed up for one of those apps where you get a free number that you can use to text/call, I’M LEARNING FOLKS! We speak here and there and text over the next couple of days, while we’re at work. Its nice but hes doing too much with the baby and beautiful and asking if I missed him?. Now Im not saying complimenting isn’t great for the ego, who doesn’t like to be told they’re beautiful? But when you’ve just met someone and they’re calling you baby or everything but your name its an immediate put off. Unless you have Alzheimer’s recalling my name shouldn’t be a difficult task. So I took note of that. The 2nd time we met up, I was already leery but listened. We talked this time he went into great detail about his life, issues with soon to be ex wife (he admitted at this point being married but that they both lived separate from each other). By this time he’s touching my hand, and tried to kiss it.. STOP!!!! Nope!!! I pulled my hand back and said listen I don’t like being touched…2nd time you’re seeing me and we’re touching and trying to run his fingers through my hair! Am I in a bad 80’s movie? All that was missing was a Miami Vice suit, silk shirt and taco meet on his chest… I started to explain my being divorced and that after some time we’ve gotten to a point where we’re good friends and can parent our children as well. He then proceeded to tell me, he cant ever be friends with his ex cause she cheated on him. I told him, you never know, things can change, sometimes you just need to work at it. He asked if I ever had anyone cheat on me? Without going into details I said yes and I broke up with him very soon after. He then said, I shouldn’t have done that, that 90% of men cheat, that I should accept it. When I tell you the screw face!!!
He proceeded to say that all people cheat, BUT he cant accept anyone cheating on him.. I swear I started to laugh! Thinking is this man serious?! Then he started to tell me that he’s looking for a serious relationship no games and that I should tell him what I’m looking for. That he is a grown man and not about having friends all over, even though he did go on to tell me he has “friends” that he’s dealing with but would stop once we got serious. Then he went on to my friendship with my ex husband and he’s not comfortable with it, if we were together he wouldnt be comfortable with my kids father being in my house especially if we lived together. That if he came to the house he would have to wait outside to pick up the kids. When I tell you I BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!!! I looked him in the face and told him, you do realize we’ve only been speaking to each other for a week. WTF? He proceeded to tell me he saw a future with me and that when he wants something he gets it. Even better that God has placed him in front of me.. Forgive me for my lack of catching holy spirit church holy dance! Fawda God has sent me a winner! Let me dig deep and find it
.Whoop found it!
He also thought that he would be the right one to give me a daughter since I only had boys.. My ovaries felt violated after that and wanted to vacate the premesis immediately! Needless to say after letting him babble on, I sat and thought to myself:
a) I’m not sure how I got here and if I could fit through the window in the bathroom (damn small bathroom windows)
b) He’s got issues that my medical insurance wont ever be covering.
c) Is this for real, is he like one of those IG or Youtube actors? Am I being taped?
d) Does this shit dribble he’s spewing really get women? Do they throw panties at him like they did when Luther performed? Singing Never too much never too much!
Pulling myself back to my awkward reality at the moment.. I tell this man that listen, you will never EVER have to worry about my kids Dad making you uncomfortable with his presence cause well.. You wont ever have that opportunity much less living with me and my kids.. My ovaries and vagina are Hillary and you’re Trump never the 2 shall meet. So, I thank you for this very informative date.. umm meeting.. wait no.. time that I will never get back. I do thank you for being so honest, I’m sure you’ll find a woman who will want to not only bear your babies but also love doing those bi-weekly clinic visits for STD’s..
That was the 1st time I ever memorized the exit route out a restaurant.. Feet didnt fail me!