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The dating pool has pee in it.

So… I went on a date about a month or so back. Interesting guy to say the least. He was about 40 years old, father of 3 and a divorce, (wait, let me fix that he was in the middle of a divorce, so technically still very married).  I don’t know why folks feel the need to lie or omit  that tid-bit of info. Being divorced means you signed paper work and the courts said YUP you 2 are officially unhinged don’t kill each other, cause criminal court  is down the block. I unfortunately find this out, AFTER the fact! Back to the message at hand. So were talking and he seems very pleasant and sweet. We ask one another all the pertinent questions, how many kids we have, where we grew up, where our families are from. The conversation is going great, time is undoubtedly passing, I need to head home its getting late. So we arrange to meet up again, now being more aware I don’t give him my cell #, cause Spokeo is the DEVIL and anyone can be a private eye! I  signed up for one of those apps where you get a free number that you can use to text/call, I’M LEARNING FOLKS! We speak here and there and text over the next couple of days, while we’re at work. Its nice but hes doing too much with the baby and beautiful and asking if I missed him?. Now Im not saying complimenting isn’t great for the ego, who doesn’t like to be told they’re beautiful? But when you’ve just met someone and they’re calling you baby or everything but your name its an immediate put off. Unless you have Alzheimer’s recalling my name shouldn’t be a difficult task. So I took note of that. The 2nd time we met up, I was already leery but listened. We talked this time he went into great detail about his life, issues with soon to be ex wife (he admitted at this point being married but that they both lived separate from each other).  By this time he’s touching my hand,  and tried to kiss it.. STOP!!!! Nope!!! I pulled my hand back and said listen I don’t like being touched…2nd time you’re seeing me and we’re touching and trying to run his fingers through my hair! Am I in a bad 80’s movie? All that was missing was a Miami Vice suit, silk shirt and taco meet on his chest… I started to explain my being divorced and that after some time we’ve gotten to a point where we’re good friends and can parent our children as well. He then proceeded to tell me, he cant ever be friends with his ex cause she cheated on him. I told him, you never know, things can change, sometimes you just need to work at it. He asked if I ever had anyone cheat on me? Without going into details I said yes and I broke up with him very soon after. He then said, I shouldn’t  have done that, that 90% of men cheat, that I should accept it. When I tell you the screw face!!!

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He proceeded to say that all people cheat, BUT he cant accept anyone cheating on him.. I swear I started to laugh! Thinking is this man serious?! Then he started to tell me that he’s looking for a serious relationship no games and that I should tell him what I’m looking for. That he is a grown man and not about having friends all over, even though he did go on to tell me he has “friends” that he’s dealing with but would stop once we got serious. Then he went on to my friendship with my ex husband and he’s not comfortable with it, if we were together he wouldnt be comfortable with my kids father being in my house especially if we lived together. That if he came to the house he would have to wait outside to pick up the kids. When I tell you I BUSTED OUT LAUGHING!!! I looked him in the face and told him, you do realize we’ve only been speaking to each other for a week. WTF? He proceeded to tell me he saw a future with me and that when he wants something he gets it. Even better that God has placed him in front of me.. Forgive me for my lack of catching holy spirit church holy dance! Fawda God has sent me a winner! Let me dig deep and find it

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He also thought that he would be the right one to give me a daughter since I only had boys.. My ovaries felt violated after that and wanted to vacate the premesis immediately! Needless to say after letting him babble on, I sat and thought to myself:

a) I’m not sure how I got here and if I could fit through the window in the bathroom (damn small bathroom windows)

b) He’s got issues that my medical insurance wont ever be covering.

c) Is this for real, is he like one of those IG or Youtube actors? Am I being taped?

d) Does this shit dribble he’s spewing really get women? Do they throw panties at him like they did when Luther performed?download8.jpg  Singing Never too  much never too much!

Pulling myself back to my awkward reality at the moment.. I tell this man that listen, you will never EVER have to worry about my kids Dad making you uncomfortable with his presence cause well.. You wont ever have that opportunity much less living with me and my kids.. My ovaries and vagina are Hillary and you’re Trump never the 2 shall meet. So, I thank you for this very informative date.. umm meeting.. wait no.. time that I will never get back. I do thank you for being so honest, I’m sure you’ll find a woman who will want to not only bear your babies but also love doing those bi-weekly clinic visits for STD’s..

That was the 1st time I ever memorized the exit route out a restaurant.. Feet didnt fail me!

 

 

 

 

Winter is Coming: Cuffing Season Approaches

FeaturedWinter is Coming: Cuffing Season Approaches
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Cuffing Season
During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Brittany: Why is everyone trying to holla this week like outta no where?

Tiara: You know cuffing season is in full effect right?

Brittany: Oh yeah you right. I know I wont be sleeping alone this weekend.

So fall is soon approaching and all over Facebook and Instagram Land are the cuffing season memes. The jokes about cuffing season vs those sliding  in inboxes and DM’s for guys and ladies who are looking for that right one to have and hold from Sept – April (that’s cutting it close, if April is exceptionally warm then you’re cut off in March). It’s not a relationship, it’s an upfront arrangement that you and this person will do almost everything in the scope of a relationship without really having one. You’ll agree prior to on, when you see each other, how often (just enough not catch feelings but still want the D or box when you see each other) and most importantly be in a faux monogamous so as to only be sleeping with each other but keeping prospects open for Spring and Summer. screen-shot-2014-10-14-at-11-37-43-pm
SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE X_____________________________
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Netflix and Chill is the staple as dates apparently aren’t really apart of the whole cuffing deal, this can apparently vary depending on the persons involved since the whole premise for cuffing season isn’t really to find a mate but keep each other warm while the winter months fast approach; it doesn’t hurt I guess to get some trim in the process as well. Sooo.. it’s safe to assume then that if any guy or lady approaches with interest it’s only because cuffing season draft has begun and people are looking for 1st line draft picks. With all that said, being that winter lasts about 4 -5 months  and coincides with the festivities of  Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years’s when most people spend time with the ones they love and hold dear. Do you fake caring for the person you’re in a cuffing season contract with? In retrospect no matter what your contract may stipulate you ideally end up spending “quality time” with that person, at some point start to feel something for them. Even though catching feelings aren’t allowed, how do you prevent it? I know cuffing season is a joke that comes up as discussion among guys and ladies with their friends. That a person will look at another that they are attracted to and say, we cuffing or what? And expect a honest answer, mostly a unanimous Yes! Shit Drake even has a song about Cuffing Season:
I met this new girl late June or early July
I called her a bunch of times but she barely replied
Now it’s December, I’m driving, and she’s like “Where’s my hi?”
It’s weird that I never called you cause I rarely get shy
See that was a segue, I believe the matter
Is what happens after the season where the leaves just scatter
Where the Timb’ laces get tighter and parka hoods flip up
Drug dealers standing in their park or hood slip up
Where girls become exes from Summer’s caught ho’in
The winter cars come out, the summer cars go in
And some places is breezy, and some it start snow-ing
And if you planning family vacations you better know when
But some mothers scared to send they daughters out the city
Instead she get a sweater that she bought her out of pity
Cause mom stays up late, she seen them videos
Where Cancun college students pouring water on their t******!
So what do you do? Champagne Papi said it, it’s got to be true! If a guy or lady approaches you and shows what seems to be genuine interest. You both have great time together and the convo is going great and suddenly they bust out with a whole so listen “You know what this is?” ” I’m not looking for a relationship, but we can do x, y and z from Sept- to(date to be determined). Do you say yes and agree just because being lonely in the winter is far worse and depressing than laying up with someone who you’re obviously attracted to and have crazy  chemistry with that when you see each other its on and poppin? Does cuffing season have an age limit? When do you become too old to engage in the activity of just finding someone to just cuddle, spoon and have sex with (hopefully good sex, but I guess that’s what “pre-season feelers is used for) and they have that good heat in their apartment (the super is Dominican, open the windows 10 degree weather of the building heat) and have the good name brand snacks or have GRUB HUB/Eat 24 app, for after the workout fuel renewal? Only to drop that person, the connection and or feelings right before summer starts because no ones to be in a relationship in the summer.
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Beware of Cuffing Season where only the strong survive and the tank tops and sundresses are laying in wait for that touch of  60 degree weather to appear.. people magically disappear- FREE AGENTS!!!
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Used to

journal.jpgI used to write all the time, I kept journals and wrote about whatever I was feeling or just what I was never able to say out loud, at some point between becoming a parent and life lost my passion for it and just stopped writing, no that’s wrong I didn’t lose it; it was buried waiting.  Adversity was the pressure that turned my thoughts into a diamond, so far this outlet is my platinum setting. It allows me to be who am I, in my own mind and express them through words. I get to see what I’m really made of through my writing and recollection of past events, inspiring my posts. I’ve fallen down and gotten back up, many times strong, wiser and more determined. There have been times though, I’ve been knocked down, it took me time to get up, lick my wounds and re-gain my balance. I will admit, it was and sometimes is a fight but I’m a fighter, too stubborn and head strong to give in or up. Even though many times I want to fall apart and shatter, I wont be broken. I can sit and wallow in the misery of past traumas and hurts, I refuse to be bitter. I lived my life by a book that was solely black and white no gray area. I never looked at my future and saw happiness, just responsibilities to live that life.  Writing is my passion, its reminded me of who I used to be, who I am now and how the culmination of the little girl, young woman and adult I am now. I’m a pretty cool chic whose got a few cracks but loves to laugh and smile. I have to admit, I love seeing words and thoughts on paper, or on screen…  I’m enjoying the journey thus far, I’m a  little rusty, so bear with me. So it begins…

Summer mental stimulation… Book lists

Summer mental stimulation… Book lists

Summer time reading list. I remember in school right before summer breaks teachers would give reading lists, I can say I never paid them much mind. I had my own books I loved to read and would get lost in. As an adult I still have many  favorites from then and as an adult, in my little personal library, I still have books from high school and college I love to read and go back to. I’ve made it my mission to read more, I love my go to libros, I need some suggestions as well. While hand held devices are cool but nothing feel better than paper back in your hand flipping pages. 

Being that I still haven’t used my Barnes and Noble settlement, I think it’s time I make use of it; I’m never one to shy  away from a good deal or discount. Any avid readers have good suggestions for a must read?

Noticing…

For the first time in a long time I didn’t cry on Mother’s Day. For so many years I’d be a blubbering mess, so distraught over not having my Mom in my life and wishing she was there with us, me and my boys. I’d look at my FB timeline and see photos of friends celebrating with their Moms, I’d get sad. The tears flow and the pain becomes so fresh, it would upset me for days until it too passes and I’m alright.  That is until August comes and its hard all over again, feeling like an endless cycle of just tears and pain. I think of my mom daily and talk to her out loud as if shes in the same room as me, to me she’s always with me, so it never seems strange. I seek her advice and notice her answers in little things that I see. I noticed and felt her that much more this year on Mother’s Day. Instead of being in tears, or feeling sad,  I was away, enjoying life in a new way. It dawned on me, I wasn’t sad or crying, I was happy and out enjoying life. Enjoying life just like my Mom would have if she was with us. I don’t need to be sad anymore or hurt that I wasn’t able to be with her when she passed. I forgave myself and can be happy to know that in it all she would be happy about her grandsons are growing and how they are turning out, happy in the fact that I am truly and FINALLY enjoying my life. For that, I am thankful and humbled. The pain over losing a loved one never really heals, you just learn to adjust and try and be okay with it. I’m learning to be okay with her not being here.. It took so many years but everything in due time but I can say it’s been a long time coming.2014-11-12 08.23.49.png

Disappearing Acts

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Before you decide or figure this is about Toni Morrison books, its not lol! Actually the title as usual comes from a conversation I recently had, the inspiration a lot of time for my posts. Real life situations always make for great writing material. So talking to my best friend, we’re doing our usual catch-up, she had a good laugh at my expense, which also caused me to bust out laughing but at the same time evaluate a topic. So I was supposed to go to a mutual friend’s event Saturday but alas, I totally forgot because I had already made plans to go to a baby shower with my S/O ( an instant smile always come across my face when I think of or mention him).  During that time, I of course recall the conversation and that I had intended to go to both..  With work, kids, and new budding relationship and trying to have a social life.. I started to think, am I that person, who disappears when I get into a relationship? Getting sucked into the relationship vortex? My BFF and I spoke for a some time, while waiting to meet his extended family, introductions and so forth. She joked and said she understood that it happens, when you get into a new relationship, I agree considering what transpired. I will admit, everything right now is about he and I. I’ve been single for a year since my break-up, even though I dated a guy here and there, it never developed into a full fledged relationship. So I never really had to juggle my personal life and dating life. I started to wonder, well how did I do it in the past? How did I juggle it all? Then it made sense, this is the first time in a long time that within the relationship I am dealing with someone who has the same priorities and issues I do. Full-time jobs, both parents who also enjoy hanging out at home and with family and friends, sometimes just ending up tired after all the adulting; we also live in different states. That little tid-bit makes us very conscious of our time together and trying to juggle quality time and still maintain our everyday lives.  I want to be Super-Woman, Super-Mom, Super Friend and now Super- Girlfriend. But that S on my chest, I need a reboot and don’t always have the energy to pick up and go like I’d like to..I’m not looking to please everyone and yet no neglect anyone in the process..

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Of course sitting down and thinking about our conversation and writing this post, I did make the connection that in the past I have been that person that disappeared when I was all booed up. I enjoyed the bliss of my budding relationship and yes I was caught up, my nose all open like a jar of Vicks, lol. So yeah I have been guilty, I pulled a disappearing act or two. Being a little older, more conscious of others and maybe a little wiser, I take note that in creating balance in my life its takes time and effort and some patience. I cant and wont make every event, there just isn’t enough time in the day, but for people most important to me, its not effort; its just about making the time. Now I’m not perfect and I am an avid user of my calendar since I can no longer rely on my memory as my back-up to recall dates of events or appointments, I have to do list all over the place at home, in my wallet and at work.

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Post it Notes are my BEST FRIENDS EVER!!! I have them everywhere, cause I’m always trying to keep track of what I need to do, after many years of work, work, work, work I’m just starting to really enjoy life and have fun. I try, lord knows I do. Sometimes though a disappearing act is needed either to get your balance back or just enjoy the moment with a loved one.

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My past found me and took me by surprise.

My quick trip to Florida did my soul wonders. It’s utterly amazing when you leave NY and its concrete streets, smog filled avenues, the fast paced hustle and bustle; to now be in quiet and relaxing mode of Florida. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love NY, I’m a Brooklyn girl no matter where I go. I just can’t imagine living anyplace else…. well unless its a neighboring state close to NY, that’s another story 😉. I can’t give up on the city that never sleeps. Yet still, I appreciate still having the ability to breathe fresh sea air and walk on sandy beaches. Feeling the soft sand beneath my feet or the cool water from the ocean wash over me, is EVERYTHING and MORE. Laying in clear blue waters and washing away all things that trouble, stress, hurt, annoy or bother me. It’s as if the ocean is telling me its not worth it, let it go and it literally carries it away to sea. Caribbean people always say the ocean/beach’s healing powers are numerous ( I firmly believe) and that the warm sun touching your skin,vitamin D heals what ails ya.  There has to be some truth to it, folks that live in places that sunny year round aren’t as angry as…. NYer’s lol! I surely without a second thought, forgot about the chilly half cold rainy weather of 40 degree back home. In that moment nothing ached or hurt  my body  during my stay, my body relished in this momentary sun kissed climate. For once I can say I didn’t want to go back home.

The trip on a whole and my company made for the many smiles pictured. I raised my humongous glass to a toast, to the plans of many more trips to come and continued smiles and memories to be made. ❤

FYI: Florida I will be back!

 

Momcation!!

Momcation!!

Priorities: Kids, work, bills, clean house, cook, sleep (maybe) RINSE and then repeat.. 

Responsibilities and minimal fun, leaves mom crabby and cranky.

 

My little get away to DC for my favorite cousin’s b’day party was just what I needed. My 5 hour bus ride, I managed to catch a nap and rest, it wasn’t great, when youre tall in a cramped space but I made due. Arriving to DC at 12am, it sure didnt look the same when i was there before at 4/5pm. Hustle and bustle of a Friday evening, Dupont Circle reminded me of the Village in NY, which might be why I fell in love with that little area on my last trip. I grabbed my bags from the storage part of the bus and got myself together, I was still tired fron my nap. Fortunately I was charging my phone during the ride, so I immediately looked to grab an Uber. One thing being from NY has taught me you dont stand still in odd or different places, makes you a target. So I got my Uber who came really quick, made my way. One thing I learned to love about DC during my trip, is how cheap their Uber rides are. I never paid more than 6 bucks to go anyplace. In NY that’s not happening!!  I had mapped out before hand how far or close Dupont Circle was from my hotel, thank you Lawd it was was like 15-20 minutes. So during my Uber pool ride, we picked up two other people, it quickly remdinded me of the last time I was in DC, the crowds and clubs and folks looking for late night grub, Memories lol. By the time I was finally dropped to my hotel I was the last one in the car. When we pulled up, I was greeted by a man who opened my door for me and asked if I needed assistance with my bag. I was taken back a little and just smiled, my no thank you at close to 1am was pleasant, it even surprised me.I was definitely feeling good. The hotel was gorgeous, I’m mad I didn’t take pics of it, I could see the Capitol building from there I was staying which was very cool. Approaching the check in desk, I’m feeling more and more tired by now I just want to crash, I’m forgetting that I left work, went home, made sure everything was okay, fed our cats and kids turtle and then made a bee-line to the city to catch my bus. Super Mom moves! So.. Yeah I was exhausted. When I got in there was a slight glitch, being that I came so early in the am my room didn’t roll over into the new day for check in their system. The manager was relly cool, did whatever hotel computer magic and got me into my room,in less than 20 minutes of my arrival: that’s customer service. Needless to say I will be heading back to the Hyatt Regency hotel on Capitol Hill again, on my next trip 😊 

One in the morning, I’m heading to my room all I could think about was, I’m all alone. Walking down the corridor looking for my room number, I’m a bubble of emotions and tired all at the same time. Popping my room key against the lock and opening  the door, I felt a little uneasy at first. I walked in my room, turned on all the lights, surveyed and sat on my bed, for the weekend, took a look around my quaint little room with 2 beds, was nice and quiet and all MINE. There were no kids asking what they can do, what to eat, no random questions. I didn’t have to think about my plans for the next day. What I did know was I was starving. My 5 hour bus ride, I was very hungry and didn’t know what to eat. Normally if I’ve stayed at a hotel,I bought food from outside. This WS how we were brought up, we NEVER ordered room service it was too expensive, Caribbean folks. So my first inital thought, room service was a budget no-no. That night, I said fuck-it and ordered myself something quick. A grilled chicken ceasar salad and a slice of pecan pie. I looked at the room service menu for breakfast later on the night stand and I thought to myself, why not? I read it, and checked off and checked off and kept checking lol. I had made up my mind, yesss… I’m gonna stay in my bed and chill lax. Even though I was there for cousin bday, it turned out to be a nice little momcation. The birthday party was off the hook, I had a ball.

I can say, I spoiled me, and rested and didn’t worry about schedules or responsibilities. My foodie life was filled on my little get away.

All moms need a little time away, let life in. So this will definitely be the first of many to come.